Before you get the baby room ready, you might want to move out of state

Dear people from Arizona, Kentucky, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Carolina, Ohio, Utah and Wisconsin: We have some work to do… Or if you’re lazy, you should just move. These states need some help understanding second-parent adoption, so get your pencils or pick up the phone or text someone because children are in danger. (Source: Medical Daily, June 25, 2013)

Arizona prefers to give babies that need to be adopted to straight couples. And just a guess, but we probably would have been kicked out of the state entirely for trying to adopt two little Mexicans.

In Kentucky you need to be married to become a step parent. And I’m just guessing, but I bet they are not psyched about two girls or two boys getting married.

Mississippi went right out there and prohibited couples of the same gender from adopting. Thanks for being so clear about this, d bags.

Nebraska, North Carolina, Wisconsin and Ohio just simply don’t allow it, thank you very much.

Utah rounds out the whole package by doing both — giving preference to straight people and preventing unmarried and gay couples from adopting. All hail my home country.

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My children, I mean my specimens, have been studied and the results are in.

We have been studied. It was big. The study. And the results are in. And now we’re being debated. Before we go any further, let me provide you with a couple of details. A set of researchers got together and studied 500 families, some which were same-sex couples with children and some were straight families with children. And guess what? The gay families had more coping strategies and better family cohesion.

And here is the first thing I feel compelled to say about this. Knock this shit off! If someone launched a huge study to compare black families to white families to see who raised healthier kids there would be huge public outrage, because at its core this question would be racist. And at its core, the above question about the health of children raised by same-sex couples is homophobic. I’m glad it’s good news, but can we really compare?

It shouldn’t be surprising that people generally maligned by society would have better strategies for dealing with conflict, because we deal with more conflict, more bullying and more rejection. If you’re left out by society, it would make sense that your family would pull together more. So, thank you. I think we’re good now. Please do not “debate” this topic.

Instead, let’s talk about whether dogs are better than cats. (Dogs!) And whether boys are better than girls. (Girls!) But seriously,stop it. Let’s just love people for who they are and quite comparing because I’m not sure it’s helping us.

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One idea about what to do if you have no Dad in your family

I like to invent new family traditions, especially when there isn’t something obvious to do in the first place. And by obvious I mean, eating tacos at Thanksgiving dinner or running around the outside of the house naked on New Year’s Eve.

Enter Father’s Day. In a family made up entirely of women and girls, and one female dog, this could be a puzzle. But we wouldn’t be here without one very important man in our life: our sperm donor.

Now, I don’t believe for one second that this man is our children’s father. Being a father is a role that lasts a lifetime. And it’s also a choice, just like motherhood, that you make every day. But no need to get all lecture-y. We’re talking about inventing fun stuff, so let’s get back to that part.

Our family was created with the help of one generous man, who thought it was a good idea to visit a sperm bank and leave a microscopic piece of himself behind. And for that, I really don’t have the words to describe how thankful I am. And to all the people who thought of this crazy idea in the first place, and put it into motion so people like me could have children of my own.

And in our small way, I thought it would be nice to thank him. And since we don’t know who he is, where he lives and I’m not friends with him on Facebook, that left us mostly with symbolic alternatives. So here is what we did.

We got four balloons to release into the sky – one for each member of our family. And we wrote a message on them, thanking him for our life. Or at least his contribution. Because he gave us a gift. Two of them, actually. And they are extremely important to me. And I would never want it any other way.

And here is what happened. I cried the whole time, because I am very emotional about all the awesomeness of our little family. Pam, the steadfast one, took pictures. Wynn stared at me very concerned about the tears pouring down my cheeks. And Marlo kept asking for her balloon back. Here is a picture of the scene minus the crying and the complaining about the lost balloons.


And bonus, they look just like sperm when they are floating away. Happy Father’s Day.

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When did you come out? And other questions that are difficult to answer.

A long time ago at a party during an awkward conversation, I was asked the following:

Her: When did you come out?

Me: Uh, last week? Next week?

I didn’t have an answer. And everyone makes assumptions. You’re out. You’re not out. You like tomatoes. And I suppose all of that is normal. But when you’re gay, at least right now in this world, you’re always coming out. At least I am.

Next week, I’m starting a new job at a small company. And my new boss sent an e-mail to the whole company outing me, already. Some people might be horrified by this. I was thankful! Coming out can sort of be a chore. And it’s still awkward. And it’s still news.

And sometimes it’s just weird. Three years ago, I went to an important-people-at-my-job Christmas party. We were asked to bring a guest (eg spouse) and I was 22 months pregnant (Remember? I’m an elephant). I couldn’t find a maternity cocktail dress, because we don’t live in L.A. where J. Lo shops, and I couldn’t afford a dress like that anyway, so I wore a “regular” cocktail dress, size 20, and put a belt on it. Lovely. And I took my spouse.

The party was magical. Sparkling water was sipped. Tiny foods that are hard to hold were consumed. And I yelled at a lot of people. Because cocktail parties are loud and no can hear you if you’re not shouting.

And then, we all came back to work on Monday.

As it turns out, one particular individual at the party was quite surprised that I showed up with a woman that I was calling my spouse. And he was none too happy about the fact that no one had informed him about this, before the party. So, naturally, he came to my desk to confront me.

“What are you?” he said.

Thinking all my life that it was fairly obvious that I was a human just like everyone else, I was shocked and confused by the question. I stared at him blankly.

“A Heffalump,” I said, because I couldn’t think of a better answer.

If you’re not intimately familiar with Winnie the Pooh stories, you would not know that a Heffalump is an imaginary elephant that Winnie the Pooh and Piglet try to capture. And he wasn’t a Winnie the Pooh fan, clearly.

“A what?” he said.

“You know, uh….. the character in Winnie the Pooh.” I shot a look of desperation at the woman who was sitting next to me, who also sat frozen in her chair. And we waited, very still, for this awkward moment of silence to pass. And since there was nothing else to clarify, he left.

I hope that never happens again, I thought. And later, much to my regret, I thought of a better answer. I should have said I’m a HOMO (sapien).

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People like us just a little bit more worldwide, so stop being so negative Pew-ers

I have good news. People around the world mostly like us just a tiny bit more. The Pew Foundation released a study at the beginning of the month called The Global Divide on Homosexuality. And the Pew Foundation also said that view on homosexuality are mostly unchanged. You can see it right there. See?

homosexual views

Now, I realize that overall we’re shooting for the stars here. We don’t just want acceptance, we want 100% integration and all that good stuff. We want to be just like everyone else, which is to say first we want to get married then to be able to produce 2.5 kids with a picket fence. That last part always sounded painful to me, but then, I didn’t exactly have kids the traditional way. But if there was a similar survey that said “How much do you like white people?” Would we have 100% acceptance? Totally, doubt it. So what I’m really wondering is how does this compare to acceptance, in general. But I digress.

And more importantly what I’m trying to point out here is that there is a bit of good news! People are moving in a positive direction. I would suggest that it’s a win if anyone finds anyone else more “acceptable.” And look at the top of the list. Those are some places I care about.

First, leading the pack is PSY in South Korea. Thank you for being ridiculous and making gay people look totally normal. Now gay South Koreans can enjoy 21% more acceptance. Next in line is Canada and the U.S. — two of my favorite countries. Thank you friends and family for spreading the good word. Next on the list is Italy and Spain, which makes total sense because those people are hot and who wouldn’t want to have sex with any of them. And that rounds out the top 5, but I have mention Germany because my brother lives there and German women for decades have been toeing the line for lesbians with their short hair and their Birkenstocks. Thank you, my sisters.

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Yes, I can sometimes actually be helpful and a little bit famous.

In my wanderings around the big World Wide Web, I came across this really great resource for people just like me, and maybe just like you, who want to have children but don’t know where to start. It’s a Web site called: It’s Conceivable. And it’s full of stories and ideas. And now it’s full of a little bit of me and my family.



You can read Our profile that just posted today, and be inspired or horrified or both. Because that’s how I feel about our story. Enjoy.

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