Sometimes things really are worse when you’re gay. I know I have spent a lot of time and energy on this blog trying to convince you that we’re just like everyone else, and all of this is just a fun, big, good time. But that’s only if you’re not going a party at a friend’s house, which we did last week. Because after the stress of finding a babysitter, comes the stress of figuring out what to wear.
Pam: What are you going to wear?
Me: I don’t know. Probably a dress
Pam: I was going to wear a dress.
Me: I think it’s OK if we both wear dresses.
Pam: You should wear pants.
Me: You should wear pants. I get hotter than you.
Pam: You are not hotter than me.
Me: Yes, I am. A guy hit on me at the gym just this morning.
Pam: That’s because you look desperate when you’re trying to find the 10-pound barbells.
Me: True. I am desperate. I can’t lift anything heavier.
And so it goes. Because there are really two goals I have when trying to get ready for a party. The first one is successfully combine my two signature looks — uncrushable-office-polyester and grubby-parent — to create something fabulous. And second, to not look like Pam’s overgrown twin. Or like these people. (Click the link to see more couples you can’t tell apart.)
But in case you need some tips on how to tell us apart, here is a short list:
1. I have two tiny rows moles on my left arm that form straight lines of three and three.
2. I have bigger feet.
3. I have my ears pierced three times. Pam has hers pierced four times.
4. I do not have a belly button ring.
5. My hair is black. Pam’s is really dark brown.
Or possibly the best clue of all. Pam looks more Asian than I do. For real, some friends asked Pam if she was half Japanese last night. She not. She’s half Mexican. Same thing.
And here is a video, pretty much, of our life. The Better Half, Episode 1: Going Out.
© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.