I think I just found the best thing on the internet. A university student in Nigeria has found irrefutable, scientific proof that gay marriage is wrong. How did he do it? Magnets. Yes, I know. For years, we have been overlooking this understated household object which could have been acting as our moral compass (because it’s a magnet) for this entire time. Possibly forever, because I think that’s how long magnetic fields last.
Here is a direct quote from his research, from Pink News: “A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole and when you bring two bar magnets with a North Pole together you find that the two North Poles will not attract. They will repel, that is, they will push away themselves showing that a man should not attract a man.”
And then, he goes on to say that women are like the south pole of the magnet and two south poles repel each other, as well.
So, I have given this some thought. And in addition to being very relieved to finally find my place on the periodic table of elements, I want to personally thank this guy for pointing out other things that I was not aware of about myself. In other words, other ways that I am like a magnet.
1. I cannot stay away from the fridge. It is like a huge force field in my life that is impossible to resist.
2. This explains the whole wanting to go to college in Canada thing. It’s north, which I was attracted to because I am the south pole of the magnet.
3. And probably the most important discovery: This completely explains why I’m not a chick magnet, which is somewhat devastating. But at least now I know why girls aren’t falling all over me. And sometimes dudes hit on me, instead. It’s because they can’t help it. Opposite forces attract.
And I would like to fix this whole chick magnet thing by working on my hair, but I can’t decide on a style. But I think this will help. And it involves magnets, which I now feel very passionate about. You can get your own, right here, but only if you live in the UK, which is where all the cool chicks are anyway.
But if you’re not ready to be a chick magnet or you are perfectly happy with your pubes, you can buy one of these magnets, instead. It’s practically guaranteed to turn you into a chick magnet, at least for little chicks that take constant naps and need endless diaper changes.
© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.