As a lesbian, you should know what to eat. Besides carpet, obviously.

After last week’s blow-up over pasta, when the CEO of Barilla told an Italian radio station that he prefers straight people to eat his product, I started wondering what DO gay people eat?

I should have looked this up a long time ago, because, as usual, I have been at risk of doing it wrong. And there is a surprising amount of coverage of this topic, but if you are going to do research, I would strongly recommend that you include the word “food” in your search string. Googling “lesbian eating” takes you in an entirely new world of search results that has nothing to do with food.

So, here is what I learned. First, if you are gay man (of course), there is a book about which foods are gay and which are not. Sushi? Totally gay. Mexican food? Not gay at all, which probably explains why I’m a bisexual. I love both. As of yet, it has not turned me into a gay or a straight MAN, but I have gotten close. I once owned a pair of dress shoes, had very short hair, and wore a suit to work. I had no idea that this was caused by too much Mexican food.

To find out what lesbians eat, I had to work a bit harder. But it was worth it, because I really want to maintain my status as a lesbian. And you are what you eat. (Insert oral sex joke here.) Luckily, I found this article, which takes a long time to load but it’s worth the wait because it outlines some foods that lesbians eat.

According to the article, we enjoy salads (Yes!) and farmer’s markets (Not so much. It depends on whether they have funnel cakes.) And more specifically arugula, goat cheese and pear salads. (Majorly YES. Wow. Weird.) Deconstructed California Rolls. Because we must deconstruct everything — especially the California Roll Patriarchy.

So that’s good! I’ve been eating the right gay foods. Whew! And I won’t be eating Barilla, just for the record. Because this brand is my favorite. It’s little pricey. But it is so delicious.

9-29-2013 2-05-38 PM

So white. So creamy. So delicious. Just 10 times the price.

And I did also find this, but you can never trust those Q&A websites like WikiAnswers.


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10 thoughts on “As a lesbian, you should know what to eat. Besides carpet, obviously.

  1. I am so glad you hooked this up today because I’m psyched I found your blog! I had no idea that lesbians had special diets, but I guess the farmer’s market thing makes sense. I’m not currently a lesbian, but I was a big, scary one in college… Seriously, who wasn’t? Perhaps it was all the Mexican food I was eating? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I love your blog. You have a new follower.

  2. Can heterosexuals eat the penis pasta, too? I mean, my husband would love it if I would get back to the pre-baby oral fun, but I’m just too tired. I’m wondering if I let him watch me eat a huge bowl of creamy penis pasta if that could count as a blow job.

    • Having little if any expertise with actual husbands, I suggest that you try whatever you think will make both of you the most happy. What that is? I’m not sure. So this is just really fake advice. You’re welcome.

  3. I guess I have been living in the dark, didn’t know there were different types of foods dependent on your sexual preference. I did notice a lot of women at the farmers market though….

  4. YOU ARE FUNNY! Loved this post! I read the title and thought, oh yeah, I have to follow this blog, and then I’m going to stalk her on twitter and FB too. :)

    I’m with Lisa. I think eating penis pasta should count as a BJ. Great minds…..

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