Tell me. Are you interested in this topic?

I am having a really hard time deciding what to blog about today. I’ve had such a hard time that I started yesterday, and I still don’t have anything today. So I need your help. In two ways. First, by realizing that this is not really a blog post. It’s more of a cry for help. And second, by telling me what you think of this idea.

BlogHer ’14 is looking for speakers on topics. And I’m giving it a shot, because 6 months ago I tried to get my blog listed in their directory and it was ignored or rejected or something. Which means that they are obviously looking for me to be a speaker for their conference instead of a blogger.

So what I need is an answer for this question: “Please tell us more about why you believe this speaker and/or topic would be a great fit for BlogHer ’14. (Word count 300 max.)” And since we already decided the first  good reason to be a speaker is that I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, here is the second more thoughtful reason:

I want to be a speaker because there used to be something wrong with me. And now there isn’t. Seven years ago, I wanted to have a baby. And I was a 36-year-old lesbian in committed relationship with another woman. So from my perspective, there was only one thing that was wrong. We didn’t have any sperm. But for others, there was a lot that was wrong. First, I was diagnosed as infertile, so I could receive medical treatment so I could get pregnant. And for 18 months, I was examined, probed tested and analyzed, all culminating one day in a therapy session where my partner and I were told that we would not make good parents. In other words, we were all wrong for this. And it was at that moment, I had to decide, was I going to continue to live my life like there was something wrong with me? That I was and always had been was so fundamentally flawed in some way that I needed to spend my life proving to people that I was worthy; worthy of being a parent; worthy of being a spouse; worthy of spot in world?  It would be easy to assume that I felt unworthy because I am gay. But I really didn’t discover that I was gay until I was in my 20s. Before that I was a foreigner growing up in a place steeped in religious fundamentalism. So as a child of immigrant atheists, I learned early that there was something wrong with me, possibly evil, even. Becoming a parent was a critical step for me in my journey out of wrongness and into a place that I’ve made for myself. A place where I can be myself: right or wrong. And usually both.

Oh and it would have some funny parts, too. Because thinking that you are flawed, in retrospect, can be sort of hilarious.

What do you think? Would you go to this talk?

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7 thoughts on “Tell me. Are you interested in this topic?

  1. Yes I would go. I would go because this is the hero’s journey that we watched play out in John Hughes films and our own lives – the outsider that believes in herself despite what she’s told and what she sees around her and comes out the other side, not by conforming but by creating a new and beautiful something that never would have existed without her. I’d choose this over other talks because I’d want to hit the talk that’s funniest and/or most inspiring and this one hints at both. I think I’d also pick it to learn how you retained your sense of self and what’s right when you were hearing so much to the contrary – we all doubt ourselves at some point, right? You never cease to surprise me with what you’re willing to share so, as someone who reads your blogs, I know you’ll surprise me and that I will laugh and think. So sign me up.

  2. I would go to this talk IF it also included something I could take away that I could incorporate into my own blogging. For example- How do you make the leap from feeling “wrong” to writing about it for all the world to see? How do you reconcile (if this is applicable) the fact that you may feel totally comfortable sharing these sorts of life struggles with your internet friends, but not, say, your mom, grandma, or cousins, and yet, your family has the chance to see your real feelings on the internet? How do you talk publicly (on your blog) in a way that makes you vulnerable while still being cognizant of the fact that this is what a potential employer will see when the google you. How much of your family life are you comfortable sharing, how much are they ok with you sharing and is that a boundary you have in common? What do you do when your boundaries differ? Have you thought about what you will do when your children are old enough to find your blog? Do you consider this when deciding what to share? I think you could include some or all of these aspects of blogging into your talk about your journey to parenthood and it would be more useful to conference attendees. Additionally, you could talk about how the blogging community helped (or did not help) you as you navigated the challenging road to parenthood, or the unique challenges of being a family with 2 moms. Good luck!

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