The holidays are coming. If you went to Costco last summer, you know this. There is also another important milestone coming soon: My first blogiversary, which is also in December. Or possibly you may want to think about giving a gift for Thanksgiving, because you are so thankful. For what you ask? For me! For this blog. Do I have to spell everything out for you?
And now I bet you are wondering what a lesbian mom would like for Christmas (or Thanksgiving). Nothing too expensive, because I am the spawn of extraordinarily cheap Scottish ancestors. And ideally something homemade or crafty, because I’m a mom and we love that kind of shit. Well, thankfully, Buzzfeed has already done a lot of the work for you by putting together a quick round-up of 18 Items that Every Self-Respecting Lesbian Should Own.
I know it’s a huge stretch to think of me as self-respecting, but I try. And I most definitely will respect myself a lot more if you shower me with gifts. I’d like take a moment to mention a few of my favorites.
The Rachel Maddow Finger Puppet: I love felt. And I love Rachel Maddow. It’s not just because she’s a lesbian. It’s because she talks about facts. And it just doesn’t get any sexier than that. And besides, if you buy this for me I can tell people I put my finger in her. All around win.
Vulva Coin Purse: If you cannot keep your coins in your actual vulva, then why not keep them in this pink purse? It’s practically the same thing and you never have to shave it. You can also pierce it with more pearls and it will never ever hurt. Lovely.
L Word Watch: Wow! This would definitely be a great gift for my blogiversary. A diamond watch for a year of service? That would definitely keep me motivated to keep working here for free. And I would enjoy it much more than a toaster. Or a pen. And in a couple of years it will undoubtedly be an antique since the L Word was on TV at least 100 years ago.
So think about it. No pressure. But I do have something for you. It’s a surprise, just like every post on this blog. And just in case any of these gifts make you uncomfortable, feel free to check out the list of Ron Swanson art. He is so cool that he’s practically a lesbian, anyhow.
Special thanks to Lily Hiott-Millis who actually did all the work for this post. How in the God do you find time to do all this shopping? You are most definitely a real woman. (All of these products were found on Etsy.com, which is a completely awesome place to shop for all kinds of art.)
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© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.