For your viewing pleasure…

… my performance at LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER last Mother’s Day. Which, by the way, is spelled Mothers’ Day in our case, which is doubly awesome and totally real and even has real greeting cards because we made them. You’re welcome!

But back to the video. Here it is:

To enrich the experience, I’ll give you some discussion topics:

1) Most parents name their babies. Are babies likely to return the favor? Should this factor in to your name-picking process for the child? I think the safe bet is yes.

2) Canadians. Love. Hats. Am I right?

3) Seriously, can you tell how much make-up I’m wearing? So much that my neck was tired. It’s why I keep looking down.

Feel free to share your thoughts with the group!

 

Find me on Twitter @7littlemexicans

Follow this and more on Facebook: www.facebook.com/sevenlittlemexicans 

Or become a fan on HuffingtonPost Parents

© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

Families come in all shapes and sizes and some even have trolls

I took Wynn to see a movie this weekend and saw something unusual. People eating healthy snacks. Actually, no I didn’t see that, although I did notice that they serve tea at the concession stand. It’s $8.99 for the hot water.

Actually, I saw a movie trailer with gay families in it. I was so surprised and excited that I immediately got out my phone and sent a text and Tweeted about it, because I like to live on the edge of getting kicked out of movie theaters. Besides, if they had kicked me out of the theater I could just show them my gay parent card, and they would HAVE to let me back in.

I also stopped myself right before excitedly tapping Wynn on the shoulder to tell her how cool it was that there was a movie that had two moms and two dads in the trailer. Because why point out something that seems obvious to her? Some kids have two moms and two dads. No duh! And she was busy eating a KitKat.

As it turns out some kids also have trolls as parents. Trolls who live in boxes, and there will be a movie about these people released in September 2014. It’s called The Box Trolls. Here is the trailer and some commentary about the movie and the gay family angle.

But mostly it’s a movie about an orphan boy named Eggs, who is raised by cave-dwellers who live in boxes and are pursued by an evil exterminator. And that’s a decent metaphor for being gay, if by cave you mean closet and by evil exterminators you mean Christian ex-gay groups.

Anyway, I will definitely be going to see this movie, because it looks weird. And it has gay families in it. Maybe I’ll order to some tea while I’m there, because I’ve heard it’s a great pairing with KitKats.

Find me on Twitter @7littlemexicans and #7LM
Follow this and more on Facebook: www.facebook.com/sevenlittlemexicans 
Or become a fan on HuffingtonPost Parents

© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Gay marriage passed in Illinois, but not without some confusion about driving cars

Illinois has passed a gay marriage law. (Yeah!) Maybe Pam and I will get married there. And Hawaii is now also an option. But I don’t want to get side-tracked. The law in Illinois was not passed without some important dialogue from both sides — the right side and the wrong side. And I’d like like to comment on something from the wrong side, before we move on.

This man – Apostle Paul David Rogers – told a radio station that “gay parents are like 5-year-olds who think they can drive cars.” I agree. And I don’t want that to get lost in all the other stuff that he was saying about God ordaining lions and chickens. Because, well, that would be crazy. Those are animals, and animals should not be leading churches or teaching the Bible, mostly because they can’t talk, but also because they probably won’t fit in those fancy robes properly.

So anyway, as a gay parent I would just like to say that I AM like a 5-year-old who thinks they can drive a car. I’m probably not as excited about driving my car as a five-year-old would be, but I’m probably just as bad at it. In fact, the other day I was just giving myself a pat on the back because I haven’t run into our newly painted garage with my car, and it’s been a whole three weeks since it was painted. And more evidence? Last weekend, I thought I could drive to the dog wash to wash the dog, and I got completely lost. I had to call Pam for help.

That said, I have no idea what this has to do with gay marriage, except that both driving and marriage require licenses. And gay people, including gay parents, can now get a license to be married in Illinois. But while you are there, please take the subway if you have kids. Because driving in Illinois or anywhere is a fantasy, for you, my friends. And also for me.

This probably what 5-year-old driving would look like. Which is scary, but not as scary as a lion in papal regalia.

This probably what a 5-year-old driving would look like. Which is scary, but not as scary as a lion in papal regalia.

Follow this and more on Facebook: www.facebook.com/sevenlittlemexicans 
Or find us on Twitter @7littlemexicans and #7LM
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I am the South Pole and other scientific facts.

I think I just found the best thing on the internet. A university student in Nigeria has found irrefutable, scientific proof that gay marriage is wrong. How did he do it? Magnets. Yes, I know. For years, we have been overlooking this understated household object which could have been acting as our moral compass (because it’s a magnet) for this entire time. Possibly forever, because I think that’s how long magnetic fields last.

 

 

 

Here is a direct quote from his research, from Pink News: “A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole and when you bring two bar magnets with a North Pole together you find that the two North Poles will not attract. They will repel, that is, they will push away themselves showing that a man should not attract a man.”

And then, he goes on to say that women are like the south pole of the magnet and two south poles repel each other, as well.

So, I have given this some thought. And in addition to being very relieved to finally find my place on the periodic table of elements, I want to personally thank this guy for pointing out other things that I was not aware of about myself. In other words, other ways that I am like a magnet.

1. I cannot stay away from the fridge. It is like a huge force field in my life that is impossible to resist.

2. This explains the whole wanting to go to college in Canada thing. It’s north, which I was attracted to because I am the south pole of the magnet.

3. And probably the most important discovery: This completely explains why I’m not a chick magnet, which is somewhat devastating. But at least now I know why girls aren’t falling all over me. And sometimes dudes hit on me, instead. It’s because they can’t help it. Opposite forces attract.

And I would like to fix this whole chick magnet thing by working on my hair, but I can’t decide on a style. But I think this will help. And it involves magnets, which I now feel very passionate about. You can get your own, right here, but only if you live in the UK, which is where all the cool chicks are anyway.

wor003_design_a_beaver_1

But if you’re not ready to be a chick magnet or you are perfectly happy with your pubes, you can buy one of these magnets, instead. It’s practically guaranteed to turn you into a chick magnet, at least for little chicks that take constant naps and need endless diaper changes.

twowoman_twobabies

Follow this and a lot more on Facebook: www.facebook.com/sevenlittlemexicans 
Or find us on Twitter @7littlemexicans and #7LM
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 © Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Our irrational wedding, part 1: the dress

We are getting married. I have to keep saying it out loud. And not because I’m at a march on the Capitol and people are watching, but because otherwise it might not happen.

Here’s why: It’s irrational. At least it is according to Cardinal George from the Catholic Church. And I agree, if what he means is planning a wedding is irrational. But for now let’s focus on just one part of the whole irrational venture – the dress. Please help me understand why I would spend thousands of dollars on something lovely and uncomfortable that I will wear for a few hours on only one day of my life?

So here is what I’m thinking. I will get a dress made out of toilet paper. For real. It’s been done. This designer, Carol Touchstone, did it using 20 rolls of toilet paper. And think about how rational it is!!

Once you have the dress on you can't move, because it tears, which is totally fine because I can't move in heels anyway.

Once you have the dress on you can’t move, because it tears, which is totally fine because I can’t move in heels anyway.

1. The materials are inexpensive and freely available.

2. I could get even get recycled toilet paper to make it environmentally friendly, although that would double the price and halve the durability.

3. If (and by “if” I mean “when”) I start crying and sweating freely, I could discreetly blot my eyes, nose, armpits or what-have-you with my veil.

4. The guests could borrow some of my train if we run out TP in the bathrooms.

5. And my kids, who are both potty-trained now, would use up the dress in a matter of days after the wedding.

The only down side might be that if too much of the toilet paper gets “borrowed” while I’m at the actual wedding, I’ll be standing around with just a few squares left, which means I will need to select my underwear very wisely. But this is a lesbian wedding, so people will expect women to be running around in lingerie. Maybe not middle-aged women, but I can hire some catering staff who are older than me and who can also wear lingerie, so I won’t be so obvious. And I’m sure my kids will be perfectly happy to wear underwear and toilet paper, because that is pretty much a normal day around our house.

So, good. We have plan for the dress. And it’s rational. Let me make a quick call to Cardinal George so he can stop worrying about this. He will be so relieved!

badpose

Trying to look just like the model, but modeling is way harder than it looks! But this is probably what I’ll look like at the actual wedding.

Follow this and a lot more on Facebook: www.facebook.com/sevenlittlemexicans 
Or find us on Twitter @7littlemexicans and #7LM
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Lesbian moms’ baby is kidnapped. Call 911. Don’t send a card.

While doing some research, The Other Sarah, Director of Orifices and Copy Editing, came across this greeting card. (Seriously people, we needed a Director. Someone has to be in charge of all the assholes in this project and correct there their spelling.)

mom card

 

Are you getting a creepy feeling? Yeah! Me too! Because the caption really should read “Moms! Alert! A big hairy man has stolen your baby!” Although, I’m pretty sure that no one sends a greeting card for that. Too slow. Dialing 911 is way faster.

But maybe I’m being too alarmist. There are some other perfectly reasonable explanations for the photo on this card:

1. The son is actually the guy with the hairy arm, and he is too shy to be in the picture AND he just happens to be holding a newborn baby dressed in a blue outfit.

2. It’s the doctor’s arm. And therefore I have a follow-up question: How did they get that baby cleaned up and dressed so fast? And can you come over to my house and help out?

3. The moms are not out of the closet, so even their arm can’t identify as gay. Or maybe their arm is transgendered.

4. Neither of the moms was strong enough to hold up the baby.

5. Some women have arms this hairy. Touche.

6. The artist added the arm to be sure that we all felt the masculinity of the new baby, because boys are often emasculated in our society by the silly pajamas and the baby hats with the pink accents that are issued at every hospital in America. So the artist has added the hairy arm to make a political point in defense of men’s rights. Well played!

9. This is Tina Fey’s baby, and someone leaked this picture from the cover of her sequel to Bossypants called Babypants.

If none of those 9 reasons resonate with you, and you really do just want to congratulate two new moms on the birth of their son, might I suggest 7LM’s more simple, less hirsute options?  We make them for dads, too – – let us know if you find any of them unintentionally creepy.

Follow this and a lot more on Facebook: www.facebook.com/sevenlittlemexicans 
Or find us on Twitter @7littlemexicans and #7LM
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...