As a lesbian, you should know what to eat. Besides carpet, obviously.

After last week’s blow-up over pasta, when the CEO of Barilla told an Italian radio station that he prefers straight people to eat his product, I started wondering what DO gay people eat?

I should have looked this up a long time ago, because, as usual, I have been at risk of doing it wrong. And there is a surprising amount of coverage of this topic, but if you are going to do research, I would strongly recommend that you include the word “food” in your search string. Googling “lesbian eating” takes you in an entirely new world of search results that has nothing to do with food.

So, here is what I learned. First, if you are gay man (of course), there is a book about which foods are gay and which are not. Sushi? Totally gay. Mexican food? Not gay at all, which probably explains why I’m a bisexual. I love both. As of yet, it has not turned me into a gay or a straight MAN, but I have gotten close. I once owned a pair of dress shoes, had very short hair, and wore a suit to work. I had no idea that this was caused by too much Mexican food.

To find out what lesbians eat, I had to work a bit harder. But it was worth it, because I really want to maintain my status as a lesbian. And you are what you eat. (Insert oral sex joke here.) Luckily, I found this article, which takes a long time to load but it’s worth the wait because it outlines some foods that lesbians eat.

According to the article, we enjoy salads (Yes!) and farmer’s markets (Not so much. It depends on whether they have funnel cakes.) And more specifically arugula, goat cheese and pear salads. (Majorly YES. Wow. Weird.) Deconstructed California Rolls. Because we must deconstruct everything — especially the California Roll Patriarchy.

So that’s good! I’ve been eating the right gay foods. Whew! And I won’t be eating Barilla, just for the record. Because this brand is my favorite. It’s little pricey. But it is so delicious.

9-29-2013 2-05-38 PM

So white. So creamy. So delicious. Just 10 times the price.

And I did also find this, but you can never trust those Q&A websites like WikiAnswers.

food

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© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to wear to a party with your possible twin

Sometimes things really are worse when you’re gay. I know I have spent a lot of time and energy on this blog trying to convince you that we’re just like everyone else, and all of this is just a fun, big, good time. But that’s only if you’re not going a party at a friend’s house, which we did last week. Because after the stress of finding a babysitter, comes the stress of figuring out what to wear.

Pam: What are you going to wear?

Me: I don’t know. Probably a dress

Pam: I was going to wear a dress.

Me: I think it’s OK if we both wear dresses.

Pam: You should wear pants.

Me: You should wear pants. I get hotter than you.

Pam: You are not hotter than me.

Me: Yes, I am. A guy hit on me at the gym just this morning.

Pam: That’s because you look desperate when you’re trying to find the 10-pound barbells.

Me: True. I am desperate. I can’t lift anything heavier.

And so it goes. Because there are really two goals I have when trying to get ready for a party. The first one is successfully combine my two signature looks — uncrushable-office-polyester and grubby-parent — to create something fabulous. And second, to not look like Pam’s overgrown twin. Or like these people. (Click the link to see more couples you can’t tell apart.)

Pam and Sarah

Here we are! Both wearing white shirts. I know. Confusing.

But in case you need some tips on how to tell us apart, here is a short list:

1. I have two tiny rows moles on my left arm that form straight lines of three and three.

2. I have bigger feet.

3. I have my ears pierced three times. Pam has hers pierced four times.

4. I do not have a belly button ring.

5. My hair is black. Pam’s is really dark brown.

Or possibly the best clue of all. Pam looks more Asian than I do. For real, some friends asked Pam if she was half Japanese last night. She not. She’s half Mexican. Same thing.

And here is a video, pretty much, of our life. The Better Half, Episode 1: Going Out.

Follow this and a lot more on Facebook: www.facebook.com/sevenlittlemexicans 
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Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 © Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

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