A friend that I adore is getting married in two weeks. (Holy shit, it’s in two weeks!) But I’m not going to the wedding. I went to the bacherolette party, as you might recall. Except that you might not, because I think the whole post may have been overshadowed by my coming out as a strap-on dildo owner.
But after the party, I was torturing myself about whether or not to go to the wedding, because it’s hard for me to leave the house. Literally. I have children. And my parenting is only 50% good, so it takes two of us to make this thing work. And when one of us goes away, like we’ve each been doing a lot this summer, then the whole thing works half as well. And the strap-on dildos start complaining about EVERYTHING, because they are lonely. And the kids don’t like it much either. And the dog does not get walked.
So, I wanted to write this post to publicly explain myself, because I’m gay, and I’m defensive. And I just want to be sure that everyone knows that I’m not going to this wedding because I’m LAZY, and NOT because I’m resentful that I can’t get fully, legally married. Or that straight people make me uncomfortable. Some of my best friends are straight. For real.
But I don’t call them straight to their face: “This is Lisa,* my straight friend.” Because that would be awkward for her. But I do like to ask them if they know other straight people that I know. And if they are single, I always try to introduce them to my other straight friends, so they can hook up. Because I don’t want them to be lonely, like my dildos.
So this is just all to say that I won’t be at THE wedding. But I hope you’ll still come to my wedding next September, friend (the straight one). But if you don’t come, I’ll understand, because some of my best friends are straight, after all.
*Names have been changed to protect anonymity
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