Some rules about same-sex adoption. Or just skip to the end and find out where you are illegal.

I’m not sure why, but I’m in the mood to be especially helpful this week. So I’m providing you with the map below. Actually, wikipedia is providing it to you. I just copied it. But this is the internet, and it’s totally fine to steal content on the internet. It’s called “going viral.”

Anyway. The map is a picture of all the places in the world that same-sex couples can legally adopt a child together or adopt each other’s biological children.

Oh? Did I not mention that part so far?

Well, here is the deal. If you are part of a same-sex couple, you have one of two problems — too many vaginas or too many penises. I know it’s hard to imagine such a thing as too many penises. But try. And in my case, there were too many vaginas and as a result the baby could only come out of one vagina and the owner of the other vagina needed to adopt. At least, that’s my opinion, because I wanted Pam to be able to keep our children. And sign them up for school and take them to the doctor, because I had already done my part — birthing them.

And just to make sure we have covered all the bases, if there are too many penises in the relationship — again hard to imagine — but then there is no vagina for the baby to come out of. So my recommendation would be that both of the penis owners adopt.

And now that we’re all clear on that, here is the map.

same-sex adoption worldwide

Check it out. The places that are colored lavender (of course!) in the map are the only places in the world that same-sex couples can adopt children. And in case you haven’t already figured this out on your own, it’s super-duper important for same-sex couples to be able to adopt children.

Why?

Because in spite of how much complaining we all do about our kids, most of us agree that we definitely do not want them taken away from us like one Russian lawmaker is proposing to do. Or in contrast, in my lovely state, where Colorado Speaker of the House Mark Ferrandino, just adopted his daughter with his partner, Greg Wertsch. Adorbs! Why wouldn’t we want these people to be together?

And here is a lot more helpful information. Because it’s just that kind of week.

ACLU’s details same-sex adoption laws in the U.S. 

A really helpful Q&A site for U.S. adoptions

Lots of details about same-sex adoption in every country in the world

And last, but not least, find out if you are illegal in any country in the world

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© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Before you get the baby room ready, you might want to move out of state

Dear people from Arizona, Kentucky, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Carolina, Ohio, Utah and Wisconsin: We have some work to do… Or if you’re lazy, you should just move. These states need some help understanding second-parent adoption, so get your pencils or pick up the phone or text someone because children are in danger. (Source: Medical Daily, June 25, 2013)

Arizona prefers to give babies that need to be adopted to straight couples. And just a guess, but we probably would have been kicked out of the state entirely for trying to adopt two little Mexicans.

In Kentucky you need to be married to become a step parent. And I’m just guessing, but I bet they are not psyched about two girls or two boys getting married.

Mississippi went right out there and prohibited couples of the same gender from adopting. Thanks for being so clear about this, d bags.

Nebraska, North Carolina, Wisconsin and Ohio just simply don’t allow it, thank you very much.

Utah rounds out the whole package by doing both — giving preference to straight people and preventing unmarried and gay couples from adopting. All hail my home country.

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