You people have some weird questions. And we have some answers, so don’t ever stop.

If you are going to take yourself seriously as a blogger, which I am not, then it’s important to have a look at the search terms that people are using to find your site. So, we had a look. And some of it is disturbing, but you people need answers and that is why we’re here.

The first and most important question on the list:

“Is it safe to put wine in your vagina?”

Probably. But I’m not a doctor, so don’t sue me if it’s not safe. But I would recommend that you just drink it. It’s so much easier. If you’re in a hurry or just clumsy, there is no need to get a glass. You can drink it right from that long, thin neck at the top. It fits perfectly in your mouth and possibly your vagina. But I’m almost certain that you’ll enjoy the taste more, if you use your mouth.

Let’s move on to the second question:

“Can a cat be a sex offender?”

Yes. I think so, depending on the cat, of course. Here is a picture of one:

catconvict

Do you see the smug smile? Cats don’t feel guilty about anything, and they don’t care if you punish them, so they are the most dangerous type of criminals. This cat has been sentenced to 10 years of having water sprayed in his face, I hope. Because he is in the clink for manipulating two children who were left home alone into playing with his Things. 

And the last question I have time to answer today:

“What kind of animal would men want to marry?”

This is the toughest, because although I know a few married men, I doubt they are reading this blog. And I don’t want to offend any of my married, male friends by suggesting they would give up their wife for an animal, so we’re just going to have to wing it on this one.

However, if men did want to marry an animal, I’m guess they would want to marry a dog. Dogs like to gulp down their food, lie around in piles of clean laundry and go outside to sniff gross stuff and intermittently roll in it. It sounds like a football game or something, doesn’t it? And men, like football, right? And bonus, dogs fetch stuff and eat dirty socks, so you don’t have to make more piles of clean laundry for them to lie in.

Side note: You cannot legally marry any animals in the U.S. However, since gay marriage is gaining popularity, soon it may be possible to marry animals, at least according to the detractors of gay marriage. But I’m not in favor of marrying animals, no matter what your man wants to do. So, I’m out. But you knew that. What I mean is I’m done. For today.

But keep sending your questions. If I can’t answer them at least I can be thankful that someone is thinking to ask these things. We need you — the scientists, the explorers, the philosophers and the Googlers of the world. Keep it up!

Here are more of the questions that you asked, in case you can help me find some of the answers. And yes, the top 10 are probably me searching for myself on the internet, because clearly I am lost. 

google search

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© Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Ann Gilbert and Seven Little Mexicans with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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