Getting pregnant could involve a small amount of drilling. No, not that kind.

In attempt to better understand my medical records, and to do what I promised at the very beginning of this whole writing mess, I bought a book on IVF. Thank you for not pointing out that I should have done this research BEFORE I went through IVF. My rationale is the following: I could have, but I’m pretty sure that it would not have affected the outcome. And side note, I was terrified. So this blog, as a reminder, is sort of like looking up at the diving board after you have jumped off. I’m going back to scare the shit out of myself, now that I know there is a happy ending.

So let’s get right to the scary stuff. Or at least to one alarming thing that I found last night while doing some medical research. Laparoscopic ovarian drilling. Holy God! What is that? The words ovary and drilling should never be part of the same sentence. Just like genital and wart. Or wet and fart. I could on, but I won’t. Drilling should be reserved for dentists and oil companies. Or, on second thought, maybe just dentists. I am for drilling to remove bad stuff, only, like tooth decay.

However, if one has polycystic ovaries, there may be some laparoscopic drilling required. Or at least it could help. I had neither. Thankfully.

But in case you are still wondering what this all means, I will share with you what I have learned. A polycystic ovary has a large number of developing eggs near the surface of the ovary. Now, if you were trying to get pregnant, I’m guessing that this would be good news. Eggs, lots of them. That is what I’m sure I would have heard if the nurse had discussed this with me. Oh, but do not be fooled my friend. All these little, cute, dressed up eggs in miniskirts are cock teases. They just hang out with their friends and never get released into theĀ FallopianĀ tube.

So, what to do? Go after them with a drill, obviously; a laparoscopic one that makes small holes in the surface of the ovaries to get those bitches out of there.

Put a check mark in the “lucky miss” category for me. I’m grateful to have avoided the drill.


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5 thoughts on “Getting pregnant could involve a small amount of drilling. No, not that kind.

  1. So you are against drilling for oil? Do you expect that oil can be produced Jed Clampett style (up from the ground come a bubbling crude)? Is that how they do it in Canada?

    • I suppose I am not against ALL drilling for oil, since you asked Nobody from Nowhere and I drive a car and I appreciate having oil that it can use. Are you against using your real name on the internet?

  2. Yes, I am against using my real name. BTW, oil is using for more than making gasoline or other energy products, as it is the primary ingredient in plastics, etc. Also, companies drill for natural gas (sometimes in the same well as oil), which powers a pretty big percentage of electrical power plants, in addition to being used for heating homes and for cooking.

  3. Non-nobody here. Not that I am mocking. But I am. Bring it.
    actually, what I wanted to say is two things (fuck you on criticizing my grammar):
    1. Sarah, you are hilarious and a compelling writer. Love this post.
    2. I am no longer getting email alerts when you post. Please fix. Thanks.

    • Thanks for the head’s up on the e-mail delivery. A few people are having this problem. I will diagnose, now that I’m all up on the doctoring stuff.

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