What does a threatening letter and $2.72 in postage buy you? Spoiler alert: a tall stack of lab orders

I got my medical records. And by that I mean I got a big stack of test results from the lab. But let’s get to the good news first. There were a few pages that I could actually read. One said I had a baby. She was a girl. Delivered vaginally. I remember this part. And if I forget, I know I can just go to her bedroom and have a look at her. So good job, me! One part of the whole fertility treatment experience makes total sense.

The other good news is that I do not have HIV-1, HTLV-1, HIV-2, HIV-1 NAT, Hepatitus, Chlamydia NAT, N. gonorrhoeae NAT, HIV-2 NAT, HEPATITIS BcAb, CMV NAT, HTLV-I/II NAT, HSV-I/II, Hepatitis, HCV NAT, Syphilis. I know. I’m bragging.

And who knew that nats were such a problem? I knew those things were annoying but I had no idea that they were involved in all of these social diseases. Oh never mind, those are gnats, and this is NAT. Now I’m confused (again). And I’m also wondering what the difference is between yelling HEPATITUS and not yelling Hepatitus. Fortunately, I have neither, so let’s just move on.

So here we are. Medical records in hand. Clarity and fond memories on the horizon. And one important lesson under our belt. If you don’t get what you want the first time, ask again, nicely. And if that doesn’t work, yell “LAWYER!” Because that works. And if it doesn’t maybe you can try “HEPATITUS!” and see what happens. Good luck.


It’s been three weeks and no medical records. This could make me insane.

I do not have the medical records from the fertility clinic that I requested and agreed to pay for three weeks and three days ago. The form says it “may take up to 3 weeks from the date of receipt…..” I sent the request on February 19 at 15:43. We are using military time, because this is extremely serious stuff. And because that is what the fax machine uses.

So just to make sure that I’m doing this right, I┬ájust Googled it. Because that’s what I do all day. I Google things. It makes me feel like I have a cool job. At Google. And I got 125 million results in .21 seconds. That’s a record. But not a medical record, which is what I’m looking for. And I am doing this right. Because the internet knows everything.

According to all 125 million web sites, it is my right to have copies of my medical records. Ok, you’re right. I’m exaggerating. According to the first three sites that I skimmed, I have a right to my medical records, except possibly records related to mental health. Great. That was the part I’m looking for. I want to find out what happened, and if I was crazy to have kids. I know it’s too late now, but I just want to find out.

And here is what About.com says about possibly not receiving your mental health records:

If you request records that the provider or facility deems may be harmful to you, they may deny you access. These records are often mental health records. They cannot be withheld just because the provider believes they will upset you. But you can be denied if the provider thinks you will do harm to yourself because of their outcome.

Hello! Yes. The records could be harmful to me, because I could have AIDS and be on drugs according to form and I don’t even know! See, you asked me right here.

medical records

Please. Help me. I must get this information. I could die. Or be insane. Or on drugs, and I don’t even know it because it has not or will not be fully disclosed to me.



OK. That space was me calming down. I’m just going to call them today to follow up. That is a what a person who is alive, reasonable and drug-free would do. So for now, we’ll just pretend that that’s me.

Read the other posts like this:
You’ll need a form for that. And a credit card.

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